It sure has been awhile

Wow, it's been a really long time since I've written in here. I guess lots of things have been botheing me tonight. and for the rest of this post im forgoeing punctuation or spell check bc writing w 1 hand is hard enuf. im frustrated. and annoyed. and upaet. first, im so tired of not being able to do things for myself. i cant drive, i cant do my hair, i cant fix my own food, i cant write, i can barely type. and its only 2 weeks in. i feel like im not gonna make it another 4...and im so scared that its notgonna work. and then what. i want to exercise, i want my body back. so theres that. and im frustrated bc i feel like i have no friends to support me. i know kk really cares abt me, but she lives far away, and has a bf, and doesnt have that much time 4 me. and evemn tho she cares abt mwe i dont feel that much of a connection to her bc we have very dif beliefs so i dont feel like we can have a deep convo. im upset w kir bc shes supposed to be my bff but i dont feel very supported by her at all, and i feel like shes off in her world, which plays out in her not really asking how im doin w my dad, or my shoulder, or always interrupting when im talking, like shes not really listening. and mb she feels like i havent asked her abt her life recentluy ether and the feeling is mutual. the problem is she never has anytime to talj so i feel like i cant resove it. mb i should tell her i want to talk and can we please set a time since i know shes so busy. so theres that.

and then theres laiuren, who this wknd im also upset w. i feel like she doesnt respect me or care abt me at all, my evidence bein that i sent her a bday present a few months ago and all i got from her was a drunk dial the night before my bday. and also, i didnt get presents from any od my friends excet kk. i gueess im just feeling underappreciated and forgotten abt, like i dont really matter to anyone. and i feel sad and worthless and like im never gonna be loved. the other thing abt lauren is that she recently uploaded photos and there were a bunch w her "friend" kevin and it looks like theyre dating and her friend said she cant wait to meet the luuucky guy and i just fel lied to and led on and im just tired of it. i feel like i havent been standing up for myself ever, but i dont kmow where to start even and how to do it coming from a place of not making ppl wrong. ugh. and now my left arm id tired, so thats all i can do for one night.